Halloween Horrorscopes: Which Spooky Song Are You?

By Taneen Momeni 

Halloween music and eerie music are essential for a horrific Halloween. There are so many haunted songs to pick, how could you ever choose which spooky song is your October anthem? No need to scream! The stars will match you with the best one. 

Aries (March 21 – April 19): “Calling All the Monsters” by China Anne McClain

You are zestful, powerful and resilient, matching the energy in Calling All the Monsters. You are not afraid of taking risks and “comin’ down with goosebumps.” As McClain told the non-monsters that “we’re coming to get’cha,” you are coming to get anything you set your mind to — like wantin’ to do some hauntin’. You will get your body shakin’ on Halloween exactly how all the monsters are going to dance tonight.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): “Monster Mash” by Bobby “Boris” Pickett

Because you are unapologetic, brave and persistent, you embody Monster Mash. It takes a certain amount of courage and bravery to be okay with all your monsters doing the mash in your lab, and you are perfect for that role. “Now everything’s cool” is your energy, even if everything is not cool, especially when a monster from your lab begins to rise, to your surprise. But, this Halloween “you can mash, then you can monster mash.”

Gemini (May 21 – June 20): “Goosebumps Theme” by Retrospectre

You are wise, curious and enchanting, and the bad reputation your sign gets is not an accurate representation of you, similar to the bad reputation Goosebumps gets. It’s a good franchise and has an even better song, like how you’re a good sign and even better Halloween participant. The high piano lines in the Goosebumps theme captures attention the same way your personality does. Stay curious this Halloween, but make sure to keep your distance from Slappy the Dummy. 

Cancer (June 21 – July 22): “Season of the Witch” by Lana Del Rey

You are peaceful, strong-willed and sympathetic. You personify the more calming version of Season of the Witch (sorry, Donovan). Yeah, it “sure is strange,” but that’s  nothing you can’t handle. You just have “to pick up every stitch” in your everyday life and when you’re out casting spells on the mortals. Time to grab your broomstick to celebrate this season! 

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22) “She Wolf” by Shakira

You are fiery, proud and romantic. Because you know what you want, you are the she wolf in disguise that is coming out. “Having a very good time and behave very bad in the arms of a boy” captures your essence as a loving, but free sign. The moon is awake, and your eyes are wide open. It’s time to let your she wolf out of the closet so she can breathe this Halloween.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) “bury a friend” by Billie Eilish

You are hardworking, bold and brilliant. Both the song and music video for “bury a friend” capture the brilliance you have. Like the heavy bass in this song, you make sure people are aware of your presence, even if you’re keeping them in the dark. Whether you’re meeting us in the park or keepin’ your head held down, you’ll be calm, cool and collected. You won’t be asking about where we go when we fall asleep because you’ll be too busy eating candy and celebrating Halloween.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22) “Monster” by Kanye West

You are charismatic, colorful and virtuous. With all the different verses and artists in “Monster,” there’s something for everyone, just like you. Whether you are a “goblin, ghoul or zombie with no conscious,” it’s safe to say that everyone knows you’re a monster (in a good and powerful way). Free your monster and automobile gangster this Halloween because you are “hotter than a middle eastern climate.” 

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21) “Thriller” by Michael Jackson

You are intense, fierce and tough — the perfect fit for “Thriller.” This is an intense song with, let’s be honest, tough choreography to get down. But you mastered that choreography and are “fighting for your life” on the dance floor when this song comes on, no matter where you are. You are gonna thrill everyone because “no mere mortal can resist the evil of the thriller.” Master that evil laugh at the end, if you already haven’t, and you’re ready for Halloween.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) “Purple People Eater” by Sheb Wooley

You are adventurous, headstrong and a dreamer. You’re a classic, but maybe everyone forgets about you, and you sometimes get stuck in people’s heads during a fever dream. But you are “Purple People Eater,”  a friendly little people eater with a swingin’ tune. You are always a delight to have around, much like this song, and deserve so much more appreciation than you receive. You’ll have everyone saying, “What a sight to see (oh!)” this Halloween.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) “Evil Ways” by Santana

You are traditional, polished and determined, much like the classic “Evil Ways.” You are determined to find somebody who won’t make you feel like a clown. You’re tired of foolin’ around and you need to find someone you won’t have you “hidin’ all over town.” Your sturdy lifestyle doesn’t need and can’t entertain someone who leaves the house dark and the pots cold. This Halloween you will find somebody who won’t make you feel like a clown, but they could be dressed like one! 

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) “Spooky Scary Skeletons” by Trap Nation

You are dazzling, sociable and a free thinker. You start off with a familiar and great first impression, similar to how the first 20 seconds of “Spooky Scary Skeletons” starts, but then as people get to know you more, you bring the excitement to any group of people with the trap beats that somehow fit perfectly into this classic Halloween song. You will send shivers down everyone’s spines Halloween night after the first 20 seconds of your arrival. 

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20) “The Twilight Zone” by The Ventures

You are mystic, imaginative and alluring. The spooky beginning of this song keeps the listener on their toes, but keeps them wanting to hear more. As the song goes on, the groovy guitar and bass keeps the listener’s attention and tells its own story. The lack of words in this song and its use of different sounds and instruments captures your imaginativity and allows a lot to be said, just like you. Dress up in multiple costumes this week for Halloween to keep people guessing, just like this song and the show it comes from. 

Get ready to howl to your Halloween horrorscope songs, and here are some more songs to get you right into the scary spirit. 

Featured Photo Credit: Courtesy of Pixabay.

Taneen Momeni is a sophomore journalism major and can be reached at taneenm@gmail.com.

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