[WARNING: This review contains spoilers for this week’s and prior episodes of Game of Thrones.]
Another week, another episode of Game of Thrones! I love how they started this episode off with an extensive recap because even the showrunner has to admit nobody can keep up with all the shenanigans that go on in this show.
Beyond the Wall
Everyone give a warm welcome back to the second most useless Stark child: Bran! After being completely absent from Season 5, Brandon Stark makes his triumphant return in the form of chilling in a tree and having a cryptic dream that doubles as an exposition flashback for the audience. In it, we see a young Ned Stark (it’s been awhile since we’ve had a reason to think about him) sparring with his little brother Benjen and sister Lyanna. We also see a young Hodor, then called Willas, speaking in actual full sentences.
However, the creepy old raven dude pulls Bran out of the dream and warns him about getting too immersed in his dreams. Bran goes to find Meera and engages in what has to be the most awkward teenage flirtation this show has seen yet (dude, her brother died, stop talking about yourself for five minutes) and this segment ends with Meersa staring into the snowy distance contemplating the war that is to come.
Some asshole is spreading lies about Cersei’s walk of shame, so who better to put that to an end but her creepy ass undead bodyguard who still has yet to utter a single word! Cersei’s lucky there’s still at least one person on her side because it turns out Tommen has banned her from Myrcella’s funeral. Come on, Tommen, not cool.
Tommen and Jaime have a weird father/son/uncle/nephew moment by Myrcella’s body where Tommen admits how powerless he feels. He’s the king and yet he let the High Sparrow bully both his mother and his wife.
Speak of the devil, the High Sparrow arrives just then. Jaime sends Tommen off so he can have a heart-to-heart with the Sparrow. For a second, it looks as if Jaime may actually kill the High Sparrow right there, but then he realizes just how outnumbered he is with all of the Sparrow’s followers surrounding him and the epic showdown does not occur.
Back in the castle, Tommen finally makes amends with his mother, and the number of people Cersei has on her side goes up by one.
Without Dany there to keep the peace, two of the three cities she’s liberated have gone back to the slavers, and the few members of her court still in Mereen are struggling to figure out their next step. Tyrion suggests freeing the dragons, an idea everyone else is rightfully not on board with. But as no one has any better ideas, they get to work.
For some reason, Tyrion goes down alone into the dungeon where the dragons are being kept and attempts to calm them by telling them a story from his childhood. Apparently he was so distraught when he found out dragons weren’t real as a child he cried himself to sleep. Aww poor baby. Against all odds, Tyrion’s plan actually succeeds and now Rhaegal and Viserion are free to roam to their dragon-y little hearts’ content.
Arya is still a blind beggar and the creepy girl is still trying to fight her. Arya holds up better this time, but she still takes a pretty savage beating from her former classmate. The scene ends when Jaqen, the hot Faceless man, beckons her to recall her name and she refuses. He then leads her off somewhere in a mysterious manner because no one can do things clearly in this show.
Ramsay and Roose are discussing the best way to keep the North under their rule when the news comes: Ramsay’s wife Walda has just given birth to a healthy baby boy, meaning Ramsay’s position as heir is in jeopardy. Roose tries to comfort his son but Ramsay has none of it, killing his father and declaring himself the new Lord Bolton. He then solidifies his rule by killing both his stepmother and his new baby brother in what is so far the most senseless killing of the season.
Meanwhile, not far from Winterfell, Brienne is updating Sansa on the status of Arya the last time she saw her. Their plan is still to go to the Wall, but it is revealed Theon will not be going with them as he cannot bear to face Jon after all the ways he has betrayed the Stark family. Theon and Sansa hug it out and a portion of my heart breaks.
We’re back at Theon’s ancestral home for the first time in a long time, and things are not looking good. The Greyjoy rebellion has all but failed, and now that the war is over, they have nothing to show for their troubles. Theon’s father, Balon Greyjoy, wants to stage another invasion into the mainland, which his daughter Yara actively objects to. They quarrel and Balon leaves, only to be accosted on a bridge by a man who turns out to be his brother.
Long story short, his brother kills him and Yara vows revenge as the next ruler of the Iron Islands. But wait! Apparently, she has to be chosen as the next ruler despite being the only child of Balon left!
Commander Thorne has gotten sick of the standoff with Davos over Jon’s body. Just as he’s about to bust down the door, who should bust down the gates to Castle Black but the wildlings!! Yeah, Jon Snow was their homeboy, so they’re less than thrilled about him being dead and everything. The battle doesn’t even happen because all of Thorne’s men drop their weapons at the sight of the giant. Thorne, the other mutineers and Olly get thrown into the dungeons for their troubles. Bye, Olly!
With the threat of death no longer looming over his head, Davos turns his attention to resurrecting Jon. He goes to Melisandre and is able to snap her out of her crisis of faith to get her to at least attempt the resurrection. Sadly, it does not work and everyone leaves sullen and dejected.
BUT NAW, SIKE BECAUSE TWO MINUTES LATER WHO OPENS HIS EYES BUT YOU GUESSED IT: JON SNOW!!
I TOLD Y’ALL HE WASN’T DEAD! I FREAKING TOLD Y’ALL!
I’m honestly shocked they didn’t drag his death on longer, but I guess there is still too much for Jon to do—plus they knew no one believed he’d stay dead.
Also can we talk about how stupid Tyrion’s plan was? If someone who knew the dragons best could free them, then the logical choice would have been to send Missandei who has literally known them since they were small.
All in all, another solid episode that leaves us waiting for next week.
Best Quote: “That’s what I do, I drink and I know things.” – Tyrion
Featured Photo Credit: Courtesy of Robert’s Flickr Account.
Rosie Brown is a junior journalism major and can be reached at email@example.com.