Starting when I was 16 what seemed to be black smoke entered my mind through every part of my body

It wrapped itself around my dreams and inspirations

My family and my friends

And it wasn’t until my father said

“Are you okay?”

That I realized I had to keep going

Pushing it aside like a partner who hogs the bed

Stealing every last bit of cover from my body

I am left shivering

Reaching for shelter

And ever since then it returns

Heavier each time pulling me down like a million stacked  bricks on my shoulders

All I do is carry them

All I do is ignore them

All I do is suffer because I can’t do what I use too

I am not who I am

Depression

Because you can’t tell me you know how I feel even if you do

And you can’t tell me it’ll get better even it will because I live in the moment and in this moment I’m ill

With a disease that kills countless daughters, son’s mothers and father’s sister’s brother’s families on families are being murdered by

Depression

Because when I can’t get out of bed I don’t need to hear “you’re lazy”

Because when I can’t stop crying I don’t need to hear “get over it”

Because when my grades are falling faster than my self-esteem is rising I don’t want to hear anyone

You’re lazy

You’re wrong

Get over it

I’M TRYING

Depression is when you would rather sleep all day than talk to anyone

You’d rather take your own life than get an education

You’d rather feel better without that medication

No one wants to feel like their life is falling apart so

Depression is when you need a friend

An ally

A rock of steel to lift you up bricks and all and tell you the things you don’t believe

It’s okay

It’ll get better

You are worth it

I am proud of you

Forcing yourself to stay standing and keep moving to talk more and hate less to love yourself and clear the smoke because you can do it and I know you can

It started when I was 16 and the smoke still clouds my mind but I am stronger than

Depression

I am better than

Depression and if I can fight for 6 years

If I can work through all these tears then so can you

Friend.


10726335_10152446784656914_1961175482_nJasmine Campbell is a senior family science major.

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