Starting when I was 16 what seemed to be black smoke entered my mind through every part of my body
It wrapped itself around my dreams and inspirations
My family and my friends
And it wasn’t until my father said
“Are you okay?”
That I realized I had to keep going
Pushing it aside like a partner who hogs the bed
Stealing every last bit of cover from my body
I am left shivering
Reaching for shelter
And ever since then it returns
Heavier each time pulling me down like a million stacked bricks on my shoulders
All I do is carry them
All I do is ignore them
All I do is suffer because I can’t do what I use too
I am not who I am
Depression
Because you can’t tell me you know how I feel even if you do
And you can’t tell me it’ll get better even it will because I live in the moment and in this moment I’m ill
With a disease that kills countless daughters, son’s mothers and father’s sister’s brother’s families on families are being murdered by
Depression
Because when I can’t get out of bed I don’t need to hear “you’re lazy”
Because when I can’t stop crying I don’t need to hear “get over it”
Because when my grades are falling faster than my self-esteem is rising I don’t want to hear anyone
You’re lazy
You’re wrong
Get over it
I’M TRYING
❧
Depression is when you would rather sleep all day than talk to anyone
You’d rather take your own life than get an education
You’d rather feel better without that medication
No one wants to feel like their life is falling apart so
Depression is when you need a friend
An ally
A rock of steel to lift you up bricks and all and tell you the things you don’t believe
It’s okay
It’ll get better
You are worth it
I am proud of you
Forcing yourself to stay standing and keep moving to talk more and hate less to love yourself and clear the smoke because you can do it and I know you can
It started when I was 16 and the smoke still clouds my mind but I am stronger than
Depression
I am better than
Depression and if I can fight for 6 years
If I can work through all these tears then so can you
Friend.
Jasmine Campbell is a senior family science major.
